explanations, well suited:

because the moon is held up in the sky by all the sleeping people’s sleep,

and if you don’t go to bed, then I can’t go to bed, and if I can’t


then the moon won’t have enough sleep to keep it up and it will topple

onto our house and crush your mother, and you love your mother don’t you?


because if we don’t eat our food, then the tiny men that are holding

onto your hairs will all let go, and your hair will just fall to the ground.


because the sound of you screaming also makes the front yard cringe,

and last time your mother screamed, when we were first married, the yard cringed

right into the house and knocked out our front windows

and we had to play the piano for the window guy to fix our windows for weeks.


because the last time your mother and I were naked in the backyard, we were seized

by something called intimacy, and we were stuck in each others arms for days


until an arborist was cutting down the neighbor’s trees and saved us from intimacy, and

I’d hate for you to get stuck, so please put this diaper and clothes on.


because the cold that comes out of the freezer attracts a tribe of small women

who will incessantly wash your hands until you have no hands and then you can’t open or close


the freezer and they slowly take control of the house, and you don’t have hands and an open freezer

that attracts more tribes of small women who will wash everything except the freezer, and like I said keep the freezer closed


because the tree doesn’t like losing its branches, and the sun doesn’t like it either, and once I

wasn’t paying attention and the tree and sun ganged up on me and held my face against the sidewalk,

which is why I have all these spots on my cheek. trust me you don’t want to get these spots

because there was a group of businessmen in the city that saw my spots


and they bought all of them, but I couldn’t give them to them, even though they marketed them as freckles,

so I just stayed in the city and let them own and market the spots, until I could buy them back.